Monday, January 14, 2008♥
urgh ♥ 11:17 PM
im tired of living this life. i guess anyone would be if they were in my shoes. i want and need to go to school, and i wonder how any runaway kids or whoever who detests going to school can ever dislike going to school. seriously. i complained to babyboy about how my brain aint functioning the way it used to. the last time i seriously studied was for a levels, and that wasnt even serious, (i merely give up by the second week during the exam periods due to the daily breaks in between the papers) and so, to calculate, it appears that my brain has not really been thinking intellectually for approximately 14 months. the only time it is working is when this mind has to think of solutions for my endless problems. like wtf. the only thing that i can substitute for everything is by reading the newspapers and religiously looking up the definitions of the words just to brush up on my vocabulary. i hate the way i think and the way i talk now. aaaaaaaaaaaaaiyah. and today while i was reading the straits time, i chance upon the ntu application for the masters programme. im not even doing a degree now. it appears like im not heading for anywhere right now. its not fair. life's unfair. i just want to do something thats has got to do with literature or psychology or english. something that can help me when i work with the social public. after reading so much news, i think i might even dream of becoming a minister. am i bragging here or what. but what the heck. i hate politics.
fuck fuck fuck.
on a lighter note, i chance upon an entry, which really frustrates me. im in need, financially, and seriously, people should really pay back their debts. my brother could have paid me a part of what he owed me but instead, he bought his gf a tube dress. (*inserts profanities here) and it seemed like i dont even get to taste my pay. ( and they say teachers are really paid well, wtf) because most of my pay goes to paying bills, lending people and yeay, getting stuffs for people. aiyah.
like last month, i spent so much on the zoukout tickets buying for this person and that person, and in the end when they do return my money in bits and pieces, i cant remember what i used the money for. all i can remember is that i used the different pieces of 50 bucks on outings and stuffs. ya, stuffs that i dont even see now.
seriously, i need to get myself something decent that i eye with every month's pay just to reward myself, but (*inserts profanities here again), guess what, i dun even know when my next pay is coming. (if i am going to have a next pay, and hopefully yes)
I MISS MY FULLHOUSE so much. if only they have the time. half of them are busy chasing their dreams, the other quater is serving their last weeks of ns, and the last quarter is busy earning bucks. sobssss
ini hidup banyak suay lahhhhhhh
ps. excuse this little miss angsty for the extreme use of vulgarities
So close..
