Monday, April 7, 2008♥
- ♥ 7:39 PM
Its after maghrib already. The truth is, im feeling lonely and missing the sweetheart terribly. I wish he was right here with me, accompanying me. But i cant be selfish because he is working at Beats Merchant right now. Im working out my tuition schedule and all the administrative stuffs right now and it sucks because being an almost perfectionist, i want everything to be in tiptop condition. The notes, assignment and practices that Im doing for the kids, i expect my efforts to be 100 percent, and the outcomes of these prints to be 101 percent. So right now, the migraine has made a trip back. It sucks. I dun want my kids to be behind schedule. =( yes i know, i told everyone i dun want to be a teacher, but at this stage, i cant help but admit it, maybe this is my calling after all. It is just in my blood, that whenever i see a kid who has difficulties understanding anything related to education, I give my very all to help him. For now, i wish the ministry will just close my case and give me another chance to prove my worth. It not just for the money, $65/6 hours, but also I know im worth it.
just now babyboy mentioned about having the studio all to himself after work. and something triggered my heart right there and then. why does this always happen? i wonder what miss m would do if the boyfriend told her. would she as a girlfriend use that opportunity? i feel really upset, its like im incomparable to her in so many ways. such things like these never fail to make me feel like i can never match up to her and also that babyboy and i were just not meant for each other. is this true? pls give me a sign god.
Babyboy, i miss you so much. I know you`re not really convinced because everytime we are together, we end up bickering 25 percent of the time, and i only confessed such melodramatic words when you`re not around. But truth to be said, that's how my heart works. Im sorry because im always pointing the blame at you when you`re already trying your best to keep everything ok. Im not sure what im expecting of you, maybe im just being like my parents, expecting you to do something, which i myself cant accomplished. I am egoistic, i admit, and i know im always hurting ur pride and ego as a man. Im sorry. Im regretful, and i will work towards a better Farhana, and i will put in more effort towards this relationship.I love you so much, that i tend to over-react over the smallest things, and i keep thinking of a picture-perfect relationship, which i know is quite impossible. Baby pls dun ever leave me, even though ive been very mean. I am sorry.
So close..
Friday, April 4, 2008♥
- ♥ 11:08 PM
Today was my virgin on job training at the campsite itself. I was prety psyched yesterday for today's training because of the fact that i would finally be active in outdoor stuffs. i miss sport actually, and at any time, i would choose being sporty over the girly girly stuffs. but anyway, im find being and all-rounder for now. Im a tough sassy girly girl who will definitely not melt under the scorching sun.
Anyway, i really do have a lovable boyfriend who takes the effort to send me to the various workplaces. He fetched me from Admiralty even though he was pretty tired from yesterday's work and sent me to Jalan Bahtera Campsite, at Lim Chu Kang/ Kranji area. The ride was awesome despite the fact that the grounds were unbalanced, rocky, muddy and had holes. Feeling feeling main track racing kononnye. Next, he came with a zinger burger. So if u saw a yellow drz, with a small man at the front plus a hungry gelojoh girl muching on her zinger like there's no tomorrow, whizzing by on the narrow unstable route and the roads of KJE, then that must be us. =) Babyboy waited patiently for my tuition to end.
At night, we headed to our 2nd fav spot. the SSS. It was awesome lying down on the road under the stars-filled sky. Just the two of us, having our moment.
So close..
Thursday, April 3, 2008♥
- ♥ 8:16 PM
im sorry if my words hurt you baby. I didnt mean to hurt you in any way even though i felt so much pain inside. I just wanted you to be a better person, not for myself or for our future. Every positive change that you make for yourself will ultimately be for your own good. Im just an outsider, a girl who came into your life, late last year. and im no perfect myself.
Im glad you took the effort to make up for everything. It definitely cheered me up. The sight of you today really took the gloomy grey clouds away. Thank you for your help in photosteting the papers, the snapple which is my fav drink, the pizza hut treat, though i didnt want you to use up your pay. and definitely thank you for sending and fetching me whenever i have errands to do all over the place.
Yes indeed, im never happy inside of me. but when you`re around, suddenly this unhappiness is overshadowed by happy thoughts. but the moment time with you is up, im brought back to reality. and that is where fear and uncertainty control me. i dont own perpetual happiness. but you do make a difference in my life.
i dont want your best man to ask you to break up with me. i know he's joking. but just the thought itself really breaks my heart.
So close..
