there's a big beautiful tomorrow, a dream away.

Thursday, July 31, 2008♥

dear mr cinderella ♥ 1:02 AM

thanks for every moment spent, every word said and every little action you did. no matter how small or big, it mean so much more than words can ever said. you were there since two years ago, through every boys i dated and broke up with, the change in careers, every heartache, every worries, you always try to find the right words to say, and they do make me feel ok, in one way or another. and we'll never know what the future holds for sure, but like you, i am here, and always will be. more than anything, i want to be there if you need someone, like how youve been to me all this while.

today i sat at rooftop with mr cinderella for 4 hours straight since 8.30pm. today was really cold because the wind was blowing hard, too hard in fact, well i guess the weatherman tried to make up for the other night, when it was pratically hot and dry up there. we talked stuffs, and i felt so comfortable telling him stories about my work and the students, and later on, he started telling me matrep stories from ages ago. (haha! - pls dont say "ill sllllapped you" after reading this part) he's really a great help because at a time like this, when im still fragile and recovering, he's always there giving me support, unlike some twofaced ass! =D well anyway, i had a good afternoon which led to an even better night. we are always joking and im always laughing even before i start talking and i cant imagine a day when we will ever be serious about things. even better if things really work out and we get together, i cannot imagine us talking about bgr issues. ahhhh. i feel so 14 years old all of a sudden. (maybe we'll write love letters?;D) and honestly, it stills feel weird to say 'bunga bunga' things like i will miss you or i miss you to him though i am sincere in saying that.

So close..

Wednesday, July 30, 2008♥

Changing lives one at a time ♥ 12:05 PM

Believe that when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain.
-Helen Keller

It is always much easier to be the problem-solver in everyone else lives, yet my whole life is so disorganized.

Ive been waking up early, sleeping very late. Now that ive no work today because the school didnt call, im feeling very worried. Yesterday i was screaming profanities the whole morning to my mum about how fucked up the system can be. (and i still totally disagree about them calling way early in the morning and asking me to do relief-ing duties) Im betting hard on taking over that teacher's role. I dont really care if ive hated Maths my whole primary secondary jc life. I still want to be their form teacher. I rejected WRPS, cause i was pretty sure i would be given that job by NVSS. now im thinking whether ive made the right decision. No matter how much i diss and grunt about my work, i know that this is my purpose in life. Knowing their dreams and goals, and working towards them, i smile when they smile when finally the purpose is met. Ultimately at the end of the day i know i have done my part and duties willingly.

What is it like to be in my shoes? Always insecure, afraid, regret. Sometimes, in a moment of minutes, i can already form a bond with these little people that i meet. I feel for them too much that it scares me a lot thinking about how their future will turn out to be. Yes it is wrong to always judge that they can never go or will always choose to go the wrong way, and that scares me, but maybe i cant help it. The more i dwell into these thoughts, the more i want to be a part of them. A lot of times, i want to protect them from all the negativities of this world, but i can only do so much, and the rest is already up to them. And when i fail, that is where, i fall into a state of deep regret and great disappointment. Im afraid, maybe because i can never accept another child feeling pain, esp if that child is someone that have ever stepped into my life.

Like someone who has ever told me, "It doesnt matter if the whole team of students refuses to cooperate because amongst them all, there will always be one who is willing to listen and willing to adhere to what is being intructed. That child is the one who willing to heed towards a change. What matters most changing lives one at a time."

So close..

Monday, July 28, 2008♥

always be my baby ♥ 5:40 AM

dear god. pls wake me up from my sombre mood. open up my senses to the surroundings around me. pls let me have more social awareness. pls let that day come by faster. and lastly pls make me stronger.

when you said 2015, it meant so much more. pls come back mr rockstar.

So close..

♥

personal loss ♥ 1:09 AM

my mind is filled with a whirlwind of a thousand different thoughts. everything jumbled together and trying to sort them out in order to get things done is so difficult. no, i dun want to tell anyone. never have been comfortable telling people stuffs, and im pretty sure, i`ll never be. Cry by Rihanna has been playing on repeat mode since 10.25pm just now, and yes, i am feeling distracted by that one single thought. I know i can do so much better than this, but my mind and heart just refuse to coordinate right at this moment. a whole lot of things pretty much undone. the week flew by much too fast, that i was left in a daze. got bothered here and there, but as usual, i managed to swipe them away.i apologize to many for not able to be there, for with the kind of schedule that ive comitted to, i myself dun have solitary time with my family, let alone, desirable time for romancing.

farhana wants to go away. farhana needs time alone.

So close..

Sunday, July 27, 2008♥

my ride ♥ 10:17 PM

I am going to own a Honda Fiat very very soon. Hope everything goes well. Finally my very own transport. =D and yes, Farhana is dropping dead very soon.

So close..

Saturday, July 26, 2008♥

one mr rockstar ♥ 12:12 AM

i told you i was very good in the hide and seek game with my problems. finally everything seeps in. and i realised that im truly alive right now.

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
-RIHANNA

im nowhere here nor there. stuck in this time frame, wishing i could go back in time, yet wanting to be in 2015. everything felt so in place, twice in a row. you know how much i love your home, your family, how grateful i was when we were together. now im telling you, i miss you so much and that i need you, because you know me best. you were there when this madness happened. i want to be able to say all these straight into your eyes, but like 2 years before, you let me go when i needed you the most.

come back nashrun. pls come back.

So close..

Friday, July 25, 2008♥

yucks. double yucks. ♥ 1:34 AM

some words and people can just disgust me through and through. but farhana being farhana, will smile all the way through. =D

So close..

Tuesday, July 22, 2008♥

smile. ♥ 1:29 AM

Mr Cinderella to Farhana

Aku hanya ingin kau tahu, besarnya cintaku.. tingginya khayal ku bersamamu.. Ku telah lalui, untuk yg tersisa kini.. Di setiap hariku.. di setiap saat nafas hidupku..

ok lah mr cinderella. if u ever read this entry, i cant believe that you can be so bunga lah. but.. bunga pon bunga lah. =D two years old huh. and all the long distance relationship. cant wait to see you. come back quickly!

So close..

Sunday, July 20, 2008♥

- ♥ 11:47 PM

like what chief veron always say, "tmr will be a better day". im never an optimist and has always believed that my life mostly lies at the bottom of the rollercoaster ride. im always looking forward towards the ride up which is never coming. but after being part of the company, ive discovered a part of me which i lost a long time ago.

tomorrow i begin a new phase in life. tomorrow will be a day of discovery and a search for lost treasures. tomorrow will be a day for hope. not just for the lives that i left months ago, but also to get myself back on track and set my goals straight. and yes, i owe this to my sec 2 fuchun sec campers.

and definitely i will miss wearing the red shirt.

So close..

Friday, July 18, 2008♥

herman ♥ 1:20 AM

From a person to Mr Fireman to Farhana

Like u said it wont help much. honestly, i knew sumthg like this wud happen. i knew u'll back off juz like those other girls in ur life after nana. i noe no one can take her place. n all u been doin is juz find someone like her.e moment its a diff girl, u push it away. i dun understd y u hav this wall ard u.

hmm. why all these at this point of time? why?

So close..

Sunday, July 13, 2008♥

cylde to bonnie ♥ 8:32 PM

Mr Cinderella to Farhana

Sayang, that is not bunga.. That is being purely human.. And u always knw i feel e same too.. Since yest, i realised ur very special to me.. And as much as i dunwana let u see i got beaten, u saw.. And i thank u for understanding me and accepting me as i am darling.. Please share with wad ur tinking.. No matter hw badly bruised or wad, i'll b there 4 u, my babygirl.

i thank god for sending him to me. two years it took, and he was there all along. the change in boyfriends. the change in jobs. through the ups and downs. and i thank god, for giving me the chance to meet him. young and dangerous, slow and steady. here we go.

So close..