Sunday, September 28, 2008♥
♥ 2:10 PM
oh how i hate this me.
So close..
Thursday, September 25, 2008♥
shit and whats not. ♥ 12:14 AM
i really need a break. all this controversial issues, and making me feeling oh-so-guilty over nothing. people need to realise, i dont owe them a living, neither do i owe them my life.
get a grip girl.
So close..
Friday, September 19, 2008♥
- ♥ 3:46 PM
dear god, please keep those around me safe.
So close..
Tuesday, September 16, 2008♥
thank god ♥ 11:37 AM
every meet up always leave us feeling restless and breathless. what started out as a meeting to go for a job interview, ended up as a random journey to town, to drink bubbletea in the middle of the afternoon,a surprised walk to paragon only to discover that Ben Sherman boutique has yet to be opened. but boy was i overjoyed to see pretty models of yves saint lauren having a photoshoot. dang, i just have this fetish for long lengs. strolled down back to carpark after breaking fast at ayam penyet ria. and had our usual dosage of movie watching at yishun dam.
i realised that the process of loving and trusting another does take time. patience is a virtue, and that each time i tell this scarred little girl to give herself another chance, i learned that love itself differs from man to man. the way we show or shower the other half will definitely change from one person to another.
Seth Cohen:
i could not ask for anythin else. All i want is you.
man, only appreciates those precious things when they are already gone. and all i can say is, isnt it a tad too late if you want to ask for my time, because i remembered, months ago, i had to cry to seek a lil bit of your attention, mr rockstar.
mr rockstar: do you think we can still go out together and stuff?
mr rockstar: like hang out n stuffs, spend time together
farhana: its too late. for everything, or anything
dear mr rockstar,
it was never a misunderstanding. i believed it is clear that action speaks louder than words, and no matter how many words are uttered, i think you have made your stand clear right from the beginning with the way you treated/mistreated me. i can never be an equal to your friends. even months after the relationship was left hanging, i remembered clearly begging, crying, whining for any last bit of attention that you could have spared to me, but you decided to prolonged your egocentric behaviour.you even said that this is all too much of a drama, yet you being the star, you refused to come back. yes, i am afterall farhana, just a girl that you could have picked on the street, but i stripped myself off my dignity and swallowed my pride, trying every last bit to hold on to what was left. remember a year ago, i sprouted this - "boys like you make girls like me feel like we are not or never will be good enough for you" and during that cathartic period, i did feel that way. why did i feel so shitty when i didnt even do anything wrong. but now i realised, "the loss was never on my part". in order to have you back in my life, i said "ok, you dont have to be nice to me, and to be manja with me." i thought i could push everything away, my life, friends, parents, and best of all, change my lifestyle because you thought it was inappropriate for you to go out with someone who always party and that i wasnt right for your future. then i realised, why do all that? "you let me go when i was at my lowest point. if you couldnt handle me when i was at my worst, what more when im happy, up and about. you only came back when things starting fitting back into the right places." god told me, move on. and ive moved on finally.
i am loved, once again.
So close..
Monday, September 15, 2008♥
sigh ♥ 11:57 PM
I think when you get to the point where you don't need to be in love, then you could be in love. You have to just be OK with yourself.. and that's a long process.
-John Cusack
today was such a let down. well, i guess that is what you get when you dont really think through the details. i mean, after all, who am i. love is a mystery. and life itself, never fails to surprise me.
but you promised anyway. sigh
goodnight world
So close..
Sunday, September 14, 2008♥
i have a bf yo` ♥ 11:39 PM
mama keeps telling papa that i have an ITALIAN BOYFRIEND. no my boyfriend is not italian. and he is not fauzi. he is fozellie.
F-O-Z-E-L-L-I-E. =D
now that the cat is out of the bag, it means i have to work even harder to keep my grades up, i cant trip this time. or things will just go haywire now. like i said, the more i want to party, the more i should work hard.
just one simple rule farhana. work hard, play hard.
boyfriend pls come back now. studying english is boring. definitely boring.
So close..
♥
<3 ♥ 5:00 AM
Dear Summer,
I love you. I love every little thing about you. I love your cute smile, your magical eyes, and the sound of your voice. I love your gentle touch, and I love the warmth I feel when I’m by your side. I can't stop thinking about you when we are apart. I need you by my side. You complete me. You mean the world to me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the one I've always wished for. I never thought that I would ever meet someone as special as you. I love each and every moment I share with you.
Love Always,
Seth
So close..
Saturday, September 13, 2008♥
-_- ♥ 4:54 PM
im meeting the family tonight. i can feel the jitters already. will be back for more update. so stay tuned. =D
So close..
Wednesday, September 10, 2008♥
of love and lust ♥ 1:59 AM
when time catches up on man, changes within may affect another. when love gets the better of man, they never care to weigh the outcome of their decision. when lust overpowers emotions, man evolves into an animal.
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
-leona lewis
i need a man who is not afraid to show that he is in love with me. the same man who doesnt change into a whole different person when he is around his friends and who is not ashamed to hold my hands or hug me in the presence of others. i need a man, who doesnt stereotype my friends no matter what my friends are like, saying that my friend can offer her tits, just a man who respect others will be enough. most importantly i need a man who can be as nice as when we`re in bed, not just when he needs to feel satisfied.
i need a man who will trade the whole world just to see me smile forever, because that's what i did, for i put my life on the line, just to ensure he has someone to call a gf.
i pray you all the best nashrun. im sorry, i cant keep up with this game any longer. my emotions and tears, they are running out, almost dried.
So close..
♥
less than 3. ♥ 1:35 AM
(12:47 AM) GOLDEN TOUCH: pen faen khap phom dai mai?
and there it goes.
amour and faith did come back afterall.
So close..
Tuesday, September 9, 2008♥
no money no honey ♥ 11:47 PM
Money is the root of all evil. that is why humans lie rob steal cheat trick and even kill to attain wealth. but if one is to possess so much richness, would it bring happiness ultimately? money is one of the many reasons as to why families are torn apart. they scream at each other, accuse one another of things they know the other party wouldnt do, and even ignore loved ones. why, because of money. why why why. have i not given enough? do i even have to pay for my own solitary space? would a minute of my own cost so much?
but right now, im so sick of everything, i could even go steal a money plant.
So close..
Monday, September 8, 2008♥
down she goes. ♥ 11:53 PM
the school took away what matters to me most now. i was a brave young soul today. i could have cried buckets of tears but i just swallowed everything like nothing happened. it was like dejavu. only this time, i didnt knew where ive gone wrong. and best still, im certain i didnt even commit anything wrong.
but the words of a female student kept ringing in my ears, "she has no experience what". does it really matter that im an untrained relief teacher, because at the end of the day, i still give my best shot. ive had sleepless nights, worrying, struggling, rushing, and this is what came to me at the end. does it make one feel good when he or she makes other feel like shit. why did i even allow an ingrate to trouble my already dysfunctional mind?
So close..
Saturday, September 6, 2008♥
sigh ♥ 2:24 AM
i miss mr seth. it was an awfully quiet day, to the point i got irritated a bit. i dont want to have to feel this way, to be hoping for somebody's msges or calls, because i dont want to see myself as being weak. ive built and programmed myself over the 4 years to be less dependent on men, but ive got to admit, the defence mechanism is finally giving way. i am scared.
So close..
Tuesday, September 2, 2008♥
first buka. ♥ 11:52 PM
i had the sudden urge to meet him. dont ask me why. maybe it was the smile. or the eyes. or the curls. hmm. or maybe everything diffused into one. ahh, i just miss the man.
so we headed to tong seng to break fast just because i was craving for my prawn noodles. and we headed to yishun dam to chill to conclude the night. i think readers who read this blog would definitely find it a ridiculous thing to do. spending almost an hour journey to bugis to eat and then spending almost another hour back. haha. but all is fine when he is around. and before heading back hm, we headed to kinokuniya to check out his graphic novels and also those toys at the comic shop. i simply find it adorable to look at a 23 year old man who is so into this thing. wait, let me correct that. maybe i just find him too adorable. ive never seen so much enthusiasm in someone. and its just too bad he couldnt get those eclairs from beard papa, cos its effing good.
and we headed to yishun dam to pass the night away. two good things did happened to night, and i so feel good about it.
no. farhana didnt get kissed by seth on the nose. haha!dear god, please let everything turn out fine. im all smiles around him. this could really be something new. the vast difference could do some good to me and i know i need this. i really have faith this time. for once. faith came back.
So close..
Monday, September 1, 2008♥
second movie with seth ♥ 1:11 AM
so it seems like sunday is now a routine meet up with mr seth. =D im cool. i wanted to make up to him for missing yesterday's partying session. so we rushed down to orchard with hope of filling our tummies with taco bell, the delicious melted cheese fries and the crunchy tacos (*pls drool). ahah. *insert anti-climax music from this point. yes. much to our disappointment, there aint no taco bell anymore at shawhouse. so the nearest one was city hall. we decided to give that a miss. took a stroll down to takashimaya to get our doraemon food and also brownie.
s: you know the japanese kueh. you like it?
f: yeah. i like the cheese one. the kueh doraemon right.
s: ehh same uhh.
(ok, the line has become so common already ok) haha. yes. its really funny cos ive been hearing that too often. it seemed like we have too much in common. *flys to cloud nine =D
as we stepped into the foodmarket at b1 takashimaya..
s: oooo. brownies.
f: yeahh (and stares at the donuts)
s: eh, dont tell me you like donutes too.
f: ehh same uhh.
(haha) funny right.
so then we strolled down to dhoby ghaut while munching on our treats but god decided to play a prank on us. it started to drizzle and then it rained heavily. i insisted on taking a cab to the cathay but seth won in the end. we trained to dhoby ghaut and much to our amazement, there was not an inch of raindrop over at dhoby ghaut. weird. so guess what. in the end we caught..
yeah yeah. we watched star wars the clone wars. i admit i am not a sci-fi addict. so this is my first star wars movie. ahah. and i must say its pretty interesting. maybe because its animated. i so love ahsoka. cute or wat, the face like a pussycat. and yes in the midst of the movie i have to keep asking seth questions, because i am so lost. and no, i cant imagine watching the human figures one. whats more, the man has 6 in all. he has the whole collection!
and to pass the time, we had our dinner and played arcade games. i lost. which is so unfair. grr. both in tekken and time crisis. never mind.
after the movie, we took a stroll down to suntec city.
puppy-eyed boy at starbucks aww
snapped pictures at the chopsticks memorial. and decided to cab back. imagine the horror of having to walk from raffles city till mos just to get a cab.
amidst the frustration of many failed attempts to get a cab
and it took an hour plus before a kind uncle decided to pick us up. i almost went crazy. wahhhhhhhh. farhana sure had a good walking exercise tonight. =D
So close..
