Friday, March 28, 2008♥
- ♥ 11:56 PM
the aftermath is horrible. nash didnt really get it. im only doing it for his own happiness. i dun want him to be trap in my situation. if only he understood my intentions. seriously it is not fair for him having to feel like it. it hurts me so much that we cant meet as usual and spend long hours like previous times. even going out is a rare chance for me, definitely how can we possibly meet. and how can two people who are not supposed to meet each other be in a relationship.
come on nash, think about it, if u would just be in a different relationship then u wouldnt have to feel like this all the time. i want to much to make u happy but it seems impossible when i cant even go out with you. i feel so sad and sucky everytime you plan to go out, i just cant. i definitely dun even want to try to ask my parents because just the thought of having to irks me. i feel so pressurized each time this subject pops up time and again.
i slammed the door in his face, and i definitely felt bad. it breaks my heart even more, knowing im breaking his heart. loving someone does not equal to hurting someone, and definitely i went beyond the limits yesterday. i wish he hate me or so.
im sorry
i ended up at jalan kayu for supper yesterday with kak wid and family. memories etched in my mind. i could visualize that night when i came there with nash, and his two buddies, wan and johnny. oh god, im tearing up again. why is this so hard. i want so much for him to forget me and move on. i want him to be happier. but im still holding on. holding on strongly to whatever we once had.i dont want to hope anymore. my dad wont forgive him. thats what he said. which i think is utter rubbish. even a criminal like him gets second chance, what more a boy who is growing up.
fuck.
So close..
