Monday, April 7, 2008♥
- ♥ 7:39 PM
Its after maghrib already. The truth is, im feeling lonely and missing the sweetheart terribly. I wish he was right here with me, accompanying me. But i cant be selfish because he is working at Beats Merchant right now. Im working out my tuition schedule and all the administrative stuffs right now and it sucks because being an almost perfectionist, i want everything to be in tiptop condition. The notes, assignment and practices that Im doing for the kids, i expect my efforts to be 100 percent, and the outcomes of these prints to be 101 percent. So right now, the migraine has made a trip back. It sucks. I dun want my kids to be behind schedule. =( yes i know, i told everyone i dun want to be a teacher, but at this stage, i cant help but admit it, maybe this is my calling after all. It is just in my blood, that whenever i see a kid who has difficulties understanding anything related to education, I give my very all to help him. For now, i wish the ministry will just close my case and give me another chance to prove my worth. It not just for the money, $65/6 hours, but also I know im worth it.
just now babyboy mentioned about having the studio all to himself after work. and something triggered my heart right there and then. why does this always happen? i wonder what miss m would do if the boyfriend told her. would she as a girlfriend use that opportunity? i feel really upset, its like im incomparable to her in so many ways. such things like these never fail to make me feel like i can never match up to her and also that babyboy and i were just not meant for each other. is this true? pls give me a sign god.
Babyboy, i miss you so much. I know you`re not really convinced because everytime we are together, we end up bickering 25 percent of the time, and i only confessed such melodramatic words when you`re not around. But truth to be said, that's how my heart works. Im sorry because im always pointing the blame at you when you`re already trying your best to keep everything ok. Im not sure what im expecting of you, maybe im just being like my parents, expecting you to do something, which i myself cant accomplished. I am egoistic, i admit, and i know im always hurting ur pride and ego as a man. Im sorry. Im regretful, and i will work towards a better Farhana, and i will put in more effort towards this relationship.I love you so much, that i tend to over-react over the smallest things, and i keep thinking of a picture-perfect relationship, which i know is quite impossible. Baby pls dun ever leave me, even though ive been very mean. I am sorry.
So close..
