Thursday, May 29, 2008♥
the aftermath ♥ 8:07 PM
i cant quite understand myself. the more i want to solve this problem, the more i feel like it is getting even more complicated. come to think of it, it was never his fault in the first place. it is more like mine, that after all these years and what i had gone through before, the emotions accumulate, and i am so afraid to know the truth about me. i dun want to change people nor want them to adjust themselves just for my sake. But the truth is i really miss being the main priority of the boy.
Farhana to Nashrun
i miss the old times, the old nashrun, the old us. Now it feels like ive nothing to fight for. This relationship means nothing now. Everytime i feel so angry so ignored. U always want me to prove myself, but i dun feel anything from u, therefore i dun even have the smgt to do it.
i keep reminding him about how much i missed everything that happened eight months ago. the sweet beginnings. he was a totally different person back then who reacted in a different manner when exposed in situations. but now i realised, no matter how hard and loud i whine, things will remain as it is, or even worst, the state that we`re in just get worst. i can never get back what i once back, maybe this is what time does to people. change them.
i still remember the promise that i made to him, about how i wanted to change. i was dead serious about it, but a lot of times, there are things which held me back. I always feel like its not worthy to do so much for this relatioonship. This worries me so much, because it means that im no longer committed into this relationship. however so, the boy is still the one that i want.
i am scared. maybe its time, i put the boy aside and gather back as many friendships that are hanging by loose ends. put my life back on track. family work friends. most importantly school which is starting in august. main thing is, get busy. so i dont think much. like how i did it with herman, maybe its time i do it once more. never shed a single tear, when me and herman broke up, because i got myself busy.
humans are ugly creatures. they never realised that when they're pointing their index finger at someone, the remaining four fingers are pointing back at them.
So close..
