Wednesday, July 30, 2008♥
Changing lives one at a time ♥ 12:05 PM
Believe that when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain.
-Helen Keller
It is always much easier to be the problem-solver in everyone else lives, yet my whole life is so disorganized.
Ive been waking up early, sleeping very late. Now that ive no work today because the school didnt call, im feeling very worried. Yesterday i was screaming profanities the whole morning to my mum about how fucked up the system can be. (and i still totally disagree about them calling way early in the morning and asking me to do relief-ing duties) Im betting hard on taking over that teacher's role. I dont really care if ive hated Maths my whole primary secondary jc life. I still want to be their form teacher. I rejected WRPS, cause i was pretty sure i would be given that job by NVSS. now im thinking whether ive made the right decision. No matter how much i diss and grunt about my work, i know that this is my purpose in life. Knowing their dreams and goals, and working towards them, i smile when they smile when finally the purpose is met. Ultimately at the end of the day i know i have done my part and duties willingly.
What is it like to be in my shoes? Always insecure, afraid, regret. Sometimes, in a moment of minutes, i can already form a bond with these little people that i meet. I feel for them too much that it scares me a lot thinking about how their future will turn out to be. Yes it is wrong to always judge that they can never go or will always choose to go the wrong way, and that scares me, but maybe i cant help it. The more i dwell into these thoughts, the more i want to be a part of them. A lot of times, i want to protect them from all the negativities of this world, but i can only do so much, and the rest is already up to them. And when i fail, that is where, i fall into a state of deep regret and great disappointment. Im afraid, maybe because i can never accept another child feeling pain, esp if that child is someone that have ever stepped into my life.
Like someone who has ever told me, "It doesnt matter if the whole team of students refuses to cooperate because amongst them all, there will always be one who is willing to listen and willing to adhere to what is being intructed. That child is the one who willing to heed towards a change. What matters most changing lives one at a time."
So close..
