Monday, August 25, 2008♥
dear nashrun ♥ 1:04 PM
today is the 25th of august. if you would have remembered, this is the moment where you said that you were just waiting for the time for me to go to msn, this is the period of time where i guessed we were just waiting for our fates to collide with one another. tomorrow will be the 26th of august, the first time we would chat on msn and thereafter, our lives intertwined. a year ago. hmm. i still keep our chat logs. every single conversations, every word typed, and when i read them i will definitely shed a tear nonetheless.
a year. how time passed by so fast, and i still find this unbelieveable. the way i had to beg you for your return, how i stoop that low and brush aside my ego, just to seek for your attention for a minute second. you know how hard it is for me to say sorry even in times of my mistakes, but why do i do this now? apologising when it was not my fault? if having to "buy" your attention and care is called love, maybe falling in love is indeed foolish.
ive been thinking hard since saturday, in solitrary silence, i prayed and questioned god, if my fate was with you, if i would end up marrying and carrying your child despite our family dispute, and god left me alone still. i am troubled but if my troubles will make you run away again, then i rather bottled them up to myself. and it seems like you only want to be around me once again for what i have now, and not for who i am.
i believe we still have to fill the big gaping hole in between us even before we can finally say we want to be together. and i know you will agree too. or maybe, you just dont want it anymore. so if that is true, pls tell me. so i dont keep living in a world of denial.
dear god, tell me what is love, because ive been blinded once. once bitten twice shy.
So close..
