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Friday, August 8, 2008♥
tag ♥ 10:27 AM


so much to say.

i dont think its nice to shout to people on the phone. i know you read my blog so ya. i hope you get it. i dont owe you anything and seriously, guys who act all indifferent towards girls in front of their friends are such big turn offs. no. i dont care if you like me or dont like me, i still think i deserve the respect as a friend at the very least. i can be so loud all the time, but this loud attitude is way different compared to the rude attitude you`re putting on, which by the way u think is super cool. whatever with a capital W. and again, im sorry to say this, even if one day i was to just walk away, then its never a loss to me to lose this friendship.

i thought i had you all along. and im just waiting patiently for that time where i want you so so much. i always tell myself im so comfortable in this state of ours. maybe because despite the fact we`re acting like we`re together, the official statement is not there. maybe thats what makes the both of us feel like we dont have to committed to anything. but i guess i rather be alone and not feeling anything. its scary because i was so damn pissed when you didnt call back. not the first, not the second, not the third. and i really feel like you only want me to be there with you at certain point of time. ok. i get it. gosh. pls dun tell me im falling for you.

ya im crapping again, but i guess this is how i want my life to be. not committed to anyone. because i cant. after nashrun. its like the final blow. and i tot i could like mr cinderella, but maybe no. we`re only at this stage, and im already feeling scared. i just dun want to spoil the relationship that we started with. i dunno. there's so many blank spaces between us. sigh.

no offence but i think Dbl O's range of r&b music really sucks. half the time i was not dancing, and i occupied myself by walking around looking for my friends. yet again, the company was awesome. thanks to muther, yana mummi and bf, nasrull and his bunch of friends, hakeem and the rest of people who happened to say hello. i was basically people hopping the whole night and it is really shocking to meet all those people from the past.

once a mat will always be a mat. i had a good time with nas, maybe because i miss campha so much and the fact that i cant be trance-ing in front and around the fire with him and joel and rashid anymore. and ive never bitch so much in one night, especially about two-faced hypocrite. baik or what. we really make good gay and lesbian's partners with all our weird dance moves on the podium. =D

and of all people to meet, i had to meet ALIFF!! i bet Fathiyah would be so damn glad if she was in my shoes. =D

yesterday night happened to be quite awkward too.
  1. meeting johnny and nazwan (nash's gotham brothers)
  2. meeting alfonso ( nash's buddy)
  3. meeting awul (nash's younger brother!!)


haha. but i think they are super nice people to say hello and catch up on things. im not a flirt because i believe i have every right to be seen with anyone or to be in such a place when nash is in camp. seriously but i guess all of them knew it already. see nash, it doesnt really matter anymore right. like i said, no matter how many times you say you`re still trying to find me, youve got to be honest with yourself. the question is, how much effort would you put in to find me or best still, do u honestly even want to do it? it amazes me how i get all the inspirations and answers in all the weird places. first it was paul van dyke at zouk. september 2007. less than a year, yesterday night was like a closure for both nash and myself. its gonna be weird, but i still love his family all the same.




how apt. every single word in the song. and its really a pity to have to be the one going through all this. and i thought we had everything going on for us. so much for all the promises not to let go and i still remember every word or promise you made. everything. again, when finally you bare everything for the one you truly love, he again, pits ur weakness against you.



So close..



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"Two, two silhouettes in a room
Almost obscurred by the gloom.."
Two Cigarettes in the Dark
-P.F. Webster, L. Pollack


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They call me Farhana. I still suffer from bullimia. I am a small girl, with mega huge dreams. Pursuing a double major in English and English Literature. Though educating runs in my blood, i am very intent to fly. I have high hopes to conquer the eight wonders of the world. Other than classic Shakespeare tragedies, i am passionate about performing arts. Though i can be a girly-girl at times, i like to get rough and sweat under the blazing sun. I love indo flicks, esp sappy love ones. I love kids. I would love to hunt down animal abusers. oooh, yes, I am your average Gemini. and lastly, if there are things called amour and faith, please help me believe in them.

SUMMER&SETH♥



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